Love Big

For a growing number of sexual adventurers, commitment doesn’t equal exclusivity, and the possibility for meaningful connection is only as limited as your capacity to love
By Andy Isaacson
[Some names have been changed at sources’ requests]Hallmark doesn’t make Valentine’s Day cards for triads. Nor does it for quads, or vees, which may best describe the geometry of Jeffrey, Meredith and John’s relationship. Meredith is a 33-year-old teacher in Seattle; Jeffrey, a 35-year-old software engineer, is her husband. They’ve been married five years, have a baby son, and as Jeffrey puts it, imagine “holding hands and walking around parks together at eighty.”John is Meredith’s new boyfriend. The two go on dates to the movies. They also sometimes sleep together in the guest room. When they cook dinner at her house, they leave leftovers for Jeffrey, who returns home late from work. Sometimes John even babysits Jeffrey and Meredith’s son, when the couple goes out. It’s as if Tony Soprano, his goomah and his wife Carmela all had baked ziti together on Sunday nights. Early in their relationship, Meredith and Jeffrey cheated on each other, and the couple, acknowledging that this tendency might well continue — “being physical is just a natural extension of really liking someone,” says Meredith — decided to negotiate with what for so many monogamous couples is nonnegotiable. Rather than break the rules, they redefined them. “Ultimately, we just switched from a mode of communicating afterwards, guiltily, to communicating before and asking some questions about comfort,” says Jeffrey.The “desire for sexual variety” is a hard-wired temptation. For men, notes evolutionary psychologist David Buss, author of The Evolution of Desire: Strategies of Human Mating, the payoff is greater reproductive success, but nonmonogamy has also historically offered women access to more diverse genes and the additional resources that men tend to give the women they have sex with. It also allows them to scan the field for possible alternative mates. Monogamous relationships are precariously bound by a contract to resist this primal urge. We agree to sexual fidelity with our partners because the thought of them with someone else would break our hearts. But that fragile construct is routinely broken: Nearly half of respondents in an MSNBC.com poll last year admitted they had been unfaithful at some point in their lives. One in five adults in monogamous relationships have cheated on their current partner. One result of the poll, however — that 40 percent fooled around with a friend and 35 percent with a co-worker — gets to the philosophical heart of polyamory, which distinguishes itself from other forms of nonmonogamy by its emphasis on forming loving connections. “In swinging,” explains Dr. Deborah Taj Anapol, author of Polyamory: The New Love Without Limit, “they have sex first, and maybe they become friends later. In polyamory, people become friends first, and maybe they have sex later.” Such distinctions are simplistic, Anapol concedes — the spectrum of nonmonogamy is various shades of gray — but have served to legitimize the practice, to some extent, as a more principled way to be nonmonogamous. “Polyamory tends to present [itself] as the modern pragmatic grown-up version of free love,” notes the blog Freaksexual.Although relationships that look something like polyamory have long existed (the Kerista Commune in San Francisco for instance, practiced a form of group marriage it called “polyfidelity,” and the 1972 book Open Marriage, by George and Nena O’Neill, redefined monogamy for a generation), coinage of the term in the early 90s gave polyamory a new cultural voice. The online newsgroup alt.polyamory, in 1992, provided a virtual gathering place (today polyamory has a rich community life in cyberspace) and 1997’s The Ethical Slut, written by psychotherapist Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszt, guided people through an uncharted realm of modern relationship that was without historical precedent. Having a language and a support network “makes the whole experience intelligible,” says Lara, a 34-year-old grad student in Chicago who has an open relationship with her partner of 10 years, Jon. “The emotional highs and lows, the anxieties, fear or jealousy — I can make sense of it all, because I know that other people have gone through it.”We don’t really know if there’s more polyamory, but “there certainly seems to be an increase in nonmonogamy,” observes Dr. Pepper Schwartz, an author and professor of sociology at the University of Washington. Both men and women travel more. We wait longer to get married, coursing in and out of relationships along the way — often living with different partners — which makes intimate connections seem more fungible. (Marriage, too, has been desacralized.) “You get habits that you learn, of taking sex when you feel like it and enjoying it, of getting in one relationship and out of another without much penalty,” she says. Women used to not be allowed the sexual freedom to explore — but that’s changed: Big Love is now an equal opportunity arrangement. Still, the popular notion of romantic love as a tango between two, deeply programmed in our modern psyche, complicates any biological urge to seek multiple partners. It also violates a central belief of those who favor polyamory: that we have the capacity to love intimately more than one person (and with solid communication and fewer nights free, we can even pull it off).“The mindset that only one person can be special,” says Dr. Anapol, “that your partner loving someone else means they love you less… leads very quickly to jealousy.”Ah, jealousy. A psychological emotion considered so primal, so inevitable, and thus so permissible that even crimes “of passion” are judged with a certain degree of sympathy. After all, “my one and only” means, by definition, there can be no one and other. Jealousy evolved with men, notes David Buss, as an adaptation to fend off “mate poachers,” keep a partner faithful and to ensure paternity certainty; for women it was designed to prevent the loss of her mate’s commitment and resources, which could be diverted to another. When our partner comes home with news of a promotion, we share in their celebration; but if they bear news of an exciting new connection with someone, we often sense a threat. Whatever the evolutionary forces that give rise to the emotion, we feel jealousy as “anger, territoriality, a sense of grief and loss, bad body image issues, and self-loathing,” says Dossie Easton. “But rather than owning it ourselves, we project it onto other people — which destroys all possibility of healing.”Candace, a 31-year-old in Seattle, is dating Michael and Eva. Michael is also dating Eva and Candace, and Eva is dating Candace and Michael. (“We call ourselves a ‘tripod,’” she says.) They each go on solo dates with the two during the week, and on weekends they all come together, as lovers. Candace has worked hard to “transcend jealousy,” a growth process she likens to a child learning that a parent’s love for her sibling doesn’t mean they love her less. But the bedroom, naturally, can be a formidable psychic battlefield. “That’s where most of our emotional problems have occurred,” she says. “I am again and again confronted with thoughts like, ‘She’s better at that than I am,’ or if he finishes in her, it’s like, ‘Oh, he wanted her more.’” Processing these emotions openly with Eva offers some comfort, but if “I can’t get past that,” she admits, the tripod might well have to fold.If polyamory were a poker game it would be a tense, high-stakes one, to be sure. “Polyamory was a seductive ideal,” says David, a 33-year-old therapist in Berkeley, who for a time explored multiple partners with his girlfriend Raina. “There’s a thrill-seeking edge. It’s evocative. It does break up the idea of ‘you belong to me,’ which is a suffocating model for a relationship, and exposes you to limitless possibilities. It’s also very dramatic, since you never know what’s going to happen. But there’s so much emotional material that gets activated, it can also be nonstop processing with your partner. Ultimately, I just didn’t want to be in that energy all the time; I wanted to play a different game.”Once couples rewrite the contract of sexual fidelity, any existing sense of security (however false) erodes — leaving, well, a lot of baggage. “When I unpack the fear, it’s really about being left, or leaving,” says Lara in Chicago. “‘Will this person make Jon leave me? Would my feelings for this person cause me to leave him?’ But at the end of the day, we want the best for the other person. And we both acknowledge that if the best thing for the other person is not being in a relationship with [the other], that we would have to let go.”Such high-stakes playing poses enormous risks for bluffers — that is, if a relationship doesn’t have a solid foundation, the outcome of opening it up to other partners can be disastrous. But on the other hand, it can yield great returns. Multiple relationships, says Dr. Anapol, offer “more opportunities to have both your strengths and weaknesses reflected. You can bring together the polarities of security and freedom, depth and variety,” she adds, as if to say that you can have your proverbial cake, and eat it too. Adding another sexual partner takes work, “But is that any different from adding a child, or for that matter, your ailing grandparent?” asks Dossie Easton. “Any relationship that added complexity to a family but wasn’t about sex we wouldn’t even bat an eyelash. If we put this in a nonsexual context we get some idea of our abilities and capacities.” Polyamory, she adds, can even be a way of building extended families in an era when couples tend to live away from their own. “We don’t tend to have the grandmothers and cousins and uncles available to help out with the work of child rearing these days. Many people have built their poly relationship to serve exactly those needs.” In Seattle, meanwhile, Meredith and Jeffrey haven’t yet needed to tell their five-month-old baby son who the other man is that very regularly visits the home and kisses mommy. “We have a fair amount of work to do in the realm of how we present this [to him],” says Jeffrey, figuring they’ll turn to other poly parents for guidance. “At the moment, he just makes some noises and smiles at you.” Andy Isaacson would like to thank the primaries, secondaries, triads, tripods, quads, vees and PhDs who shared perspectives and intimate details of their lives for this story.

Oversexed and over 50... middle-aged lovers spreading HIV after ignoring sexual disease threat

Middle-aged lovers are ignoring the risks of sexual disease, according to a survey released. Ten per cent of sexually-active people over the age of 50 say they use no contraception.
The same proportion told researchers that they knew next to nothing about their partner's sexual history.
The survey suggests that they see diseases such as HIV-Aids and chlamydia as problems for younger generations only.
It also found that two-thirds of those over 50 claim to enjoy active sex lives.
Emma Soames, editor of Saga magazine, which commissioned the poll, said: "It will surprise older people that they are vulnerable to sexually-transmitted diseases.
"The problem is that infections are perceived as being a young person's
problem and also the fact is that with sex for older people pregnancy is very often no longer an issue.
"This means they don't realise that they also need to worry about sexually-transmitted infections and the fact they should be having protected sex.
"While a lot of people in the survey will have been married, there are also a lot of people who will be recently divorced or single and out dating again.
"These findings shatter the myth that once you hit 50 your sex life is over, there is less pressure than when people were younger and it is likely that you feel more comfortable about your body.
"Forget about the dirty thirties or the naughty forties. The frisky
fifties are having the most fun by swopping the boardroom for the bedroom."
Nearly half of the interviewees said they had sex at least once a week and found it more and more enjoyable.
Eighty-five per cent said they found sex less pressured and 76 per cent said it was a more fulfilling experience than in their youth.
Sixteen per cent admitted using drugs such as Viagra to improve their performance in the bedroom.
Lorna Layward, research manager at Help the Aged, said: "Contrary to widespread belief, people do not stop having sex once they hit 50 and many of us never actually lose our sexual desire.
"However, even if you may no longer have to worry about an unwanted pregnancy, it should not be used as an excuse to have unsafe sex.
"It makes sense to always use a condom to stay healthy, no matter what your age."
Two years ago, Health Protection Scotland warned that the popularity of swopping partners and of women going on foreign holidays to pick up men had led to a rise in sexual diseases among the over-50s.
The agency said that infection clinics had even treated a number of patients in their 80s.
The Saga/Populus survey of 7,817 also looked at the general health of the over-50s.
Some 76 per cent said they tried to eat five pieces of fruit and vegetables a day. Problems at work were the greatest cause of stress, followed by relationships.
Twenty-four per cent said they would keep any feelings of stress, anxiety or depression to themselves rather than tell their family or seek medical advice.
And 38 per cent of pensioners said they exercised every day, compared with less than a third of those in their early 50s.

Lohan and Jenner Dating?

Lindsay Lohan and reality TV star Brody Jenner were spotted "all over each other" during a night out in New York on Friday, leading to speculation the pair are an item.
The troubled actress and Jenner, who was linked to Paris Hilton, partied together at two nightclubs, the Beatrice Inn and The Box, during their passionate night on the town.
A source tells People.com, "She likes him. It's early, but they are more than friends. He seems to like her back.
"They're actually sweet together, it would be nice if she kept him around."

Scarlett Johansson Engaged to Ryan Reynolds

Her rep is denying it, but websites are reporting that we could very well expect an engagement announcement from actors Ryan Reynolds and Scarlett Johansson.
The couple have been an item for almost a year says other sources (although the math below doesn’t add up).
Reynolds ended his engagement to fellow Canadian Alanis Morissette last February, and by April he was spotted dating Johansson at the Odeon in Tribeca, looking in love.
Johansson herself had a high-profile relationship with actor Josh Hartnett that ended terribly. (He was recently linked to Rihanna and spotted making out with Sienna Miller).
Sienna Miller Topless on the Beach
By coincidence, a friend of that ex-couple stated, "Josh has the funniest picture of Scarlett on his phone. They're at home having dinner and she's brandishing a carving knife over a chicken like a slasher, and making a face."
I guess this is the part where I interject some corny comment about her carving some other kind of meat, but I’ll pass.
NOTE: I have an interview with Reynolds coming up, so we'll see what the hell is going on here exactly.

Scarlett Johansson Engaged

Los Angeles (eCanadaNow) - Scarlett Johansson is engaged to actor Ryan Reynolds, it has been claimed.

The 'Lost in Translation' actress, who has been dating Ryan for almost a year, is said to be smitten with the 'Smokin' Aces' star and has accepted his marriage proposal.

A source said: "We can expect an engagement announcement from Ryan and Scarlett any day now. They are very much in love and have decided to take the next step. Scarlett is thrilled!"

Scarlett, 23, and Ryan, 31, were first seen together at a New York cinema last April, shortly after Ryan ended his engagement to fellow Canadian Alanis Morissette.

The couple first sparked engagement rumours last year, when Scarlett and Ryan flew to Canada to meet his parents.

Scarlett previously dated her 'Black Dahlia' co-star Josh Hartnett for two years.

Josh, who has remained good friends with Scarlett since their split, has joked about finding the "perfect" photograph for her bachelorette party invitations.

A source added to the New York Daily News newspaper: "Josh has the funniest picture of Scarlett on his phone. They're at home having dinner and she's brandishing a carving knife over a chicken like a slasher, and making a face. It would look perfect on the invitation for the bachelorette party!"

Kylie Minogue And David Tennant's Secret Meetings

Dr Who co-stars Kylie Minogue and David Tennant have “set tongues wagging” with a secret meeting at a London theatre.
The pair - who appeared together in the Dr Who Christmas special together - went to see Cinderella together at the Old Vic under the cover of secrecy.
A source tells the Mail, “They kept the visit top secret and slipped in and out before anyone in the theatre had a chance to notice an A-list star and a famous actor were in the stalls.”
The pair have reportedly maintained a close relationship with regular phone calls, although Tennant is currently seeing BBC worker Bethan Britton and Kylie has admitted she has started dating again - although she has refused to divulge any names.

Venturing farther afield

Hot spots for travellers discovered well off the beaten path
Bruce Deachman, CanWest News ServicePublished: Saturday, January 19, 2008
Paris is so passe. San Francisco, not the gay place it once was. New York, the Big Apple? Lousy to the core. Venice? Sinking, and fast.
According to a recent survey conducted by the travel website TripAdvisor, the emerging 10 hot spots for 2008 aren't the tried-and-true time-share condos and museum-laden bus tours our parents once called a holiday. Instead, TripAdvisor's "proprietary algorithm," which analysed the search activity and postings on its websites -- some 30 million hits per month, it says -- discovered that Jerba, Tunisia is the rising star of globetrotters, followed by Makandi Bay, Egypt, Phangnga, Thailand and Kovalam, India.
So what does Jerba have that London doesn't? Why would visitors pack their bags for Rio de Janeiro when Kotor, Montenegro beckons?

Why, indeed? With the aid of various travel websites, guidebooks and meandering bloggers, we set about to determine just that. Here, in ascending order, are the Top 10 destinations, and what you might find at each:
10. KOTOR, MONTENEGRO
Designated a World Heritage site by UNESCO in 1979, this walled city on the Adriatic is almost as old as the mountainous fiord (the southernmost in the world) it inhabits. After more than two millennia of being the object of a game of hot potato between the Illyrians, Serbs, Hungarians, Romans, Bosnians, Venetians, Austrians, Russians and French, Kotor boasts stunning architecture from numerous periods and styles, including many churches and cathedrals built between the 12th and 16th centuries.
Yet even Kotor's own portion of the website visit-montenegro.com admits that "When we are talking about tourism, in that area, Kotor is not the greatest town," noting the absence of sandy beaches in favour of stony ones. Still, it continues, "If the nature itself and Kotor charm you that much that there is no reason for you to spend your vacation in some other town on the Montenegrin coast, then we are convinced that you will manage with the swimming and sunbathing in Kotor."
9. Yangshuo, China
According to bloggers Carrie and Jesse, there's a restaurant in Yangshuo called Small Restaurant in Village, where, upon ordering the chicken and duck, they were told it would take half an hour, as the birds had to first be caught and killed. Talk about fresh! As a bonus, although not required, these visitors got to watch the slaughter.
A longtime tourist destination for Chinese, Yangshuo first drew the attentions of foreign backpackers in the 1980s, when the Lonely Planet introduced them to the area. Since then, they've been piling on the attractions. Visitors can rent bicycles for about $1.30 per day, and wander rice paddies, explore caves, view the region from a hot-air balloon, taste dog meat, hike up Moon Hill, take in an opera in the natural amphitheatre of Shutong Hill, or float down the Li and Yulong rivers on a bamboo raft.
8. LA PLAGNE, FRANCE
Made up of 10 villages (six of them designed solely for the purpose), La Plagne is a huge ski resort in the Savoie French Alps. Its vertical drop of 2,000 metres is twice that of Aspen's, and there are 420 kilometres of trails and 144 ski lifts, making it the largest ski area of any resort in the world. The highest lift -- on Bellecete Glacier is 3,250 metres, while the longest run is 10 kilometres. According to wordtravels.com, apartment dwelling is the way to go here: "There are few hotels and its convenience makes up for its lack of charm."
7. KO PHANGAN, THAILAND
It is perhaps unfair to draw any sort of stereotype based on photographic images found on the Internet, but were one to do so, he would assume that most visitors to Thailand's Ko Phangan are white, in their 20s, nocturnal and, if male, shirtless.
This may have something to do with what appears to be the island's main preoccupation: its Full Moon beach parties. Here, literally thousands of revellers gather on such beaches as Haad Rin and the aptly named Bottle Beach for an all-night party that involves lots of tribal house, trance, techno, reggae and pop music and even more buckets of vodka and Thai whisky.
Despite all this cacophony, the website kophangan.com bills the island as also having "tranquil places for visitors to enjoy. You can relax under shade of coconut trees by white sand beaches and absorb the spirit of nature."
6. ASILAH, MOROCCO
"Asilah clings like a stubborn white barnacle to the cliffs of Morocco," wrote New York-based photographer and writer Dannielle B. Hayes in 1994. "It is a town of sounds and of colors: of poetry, of staccato fingers beating on clay drums, of blinding sunwashed whiteness, of women's tongues talking and singing."
A fortified town on the Atlantic, only a half-hour drive from Tangier, Asilah's history traces back to 1500 BC, when it was a trade centre for the Phoenicians and, later, the Portugese. In parts of the last two centuries, it was also a home to pirates.
Moussem of Asilah, that has made it such a draw for visitors. Founded in 1978 by former Moroccan Minister of Foreign Affairs and ambassador to the U.S., Mohamed Benaissa, the summer-long festival invites musicians, dancers, theatre troupes and visual artists from around the world for performances and workshops, with visual artists painting the walls of Asilah's old part of town, or medina, with colourful murals.
5. SABAUDIA, ITALY
"If you come to Sabaudia," writes blogger Circeo, "you absolutely have to go to the sea ... here there are the famous sand dunes and a wonderful sea!!!"
Sabaudia, located on the Mediterranean side of Italy, in the province of Latina, Lazio (essentially the middle of the shin bone, if we're to use Italy's oft-cited "boot" shape as a guide), was built in 1933 and '34 under Mussolini, with 6,000 labourers toiling night and day to finish the job -- which included extensive draining of marshland -- in just 253 days. As such, much of the architecture is noted for its functionality and fascist symbolism, including the use of the lictor's ax decorating fountains, walls and reliefs. "The lictor's ax," notes Sabaudia Online, "came to be to the Italian fascists what the swastica and the eagle were to the German Nazis."
4. KOVALAM, INDIA
Located near the southernmost tip of India, Kovalam is known as the "Paradise of the South." Its name literally means "a grove of coconut trees."
Thirty years ago, according to kovalam.com, it was a favourite spot for the hippie crowd, who were attracted to the beach for its year-round swimming, fresh fish and fruit and coconut beer. Today, development of hotels, yoga centres, spas, water sports facilities and the like have turned Kovalam from an simple and idyllic beach resort into a multi-million-dollar tourism industry, and one, according to wikitravel.org, favoured by the 40- to 60-year-old set. "Highly commercialised and very crowded through most of the year," the website kovalam.com concedes, "Kovalam manages, against all odds, to retain much of the charm which made it a popular beach in the first place."
If one can muster the energy to leave the beaches, there appears to be much to do and see in and around Kovalam, including Padmanabhapuram, Kaudiar and Koyikkal palaces, various museums and, from Jan. 9 to 12, the Great Elephant March, where 100 decorated elephants parade for tourists.
3. PHANGNGA, THAILAND
Fans of the James Bond film franchise may recall this area, as much of 1974's The Man With the Golden Gun was shot here. Located in the bay of the same name -- and in the province of the same name -- Phangnga, often also spelled Pahng Nga, lies on the shore of the Andaman Sea, on the western side of Thailand's Malay Peninsula. It suffered greatly by the tsunami accompanying the Dec. 26, 2004 Indian Ocean earthquake; thousands in the province died, including the grandson of Thailand's king.Here, visitors will find Phang Nga Bay National Park, described by thailandmaps.net as "a geological wonder filled with islets, sunken caverns and startling rock formations rising sheer out of the sea."
Few of the islands of Phang Nga Bay apparently offer accommodations, and visitors usually stay in nearby Phuket. One blogger, Popple, did spend a night in the "floating" Muslim village, "which was very peaceful and the food was great, although the fish was presented with head, tail and everything!!" Everything?
2. MAKANDI BAY, EGYPT
Curious travellers and travel agents are going to have a dickens of a time with this one. A Google search of Makandi Bay turns up dozens and dozens of websites, all of which proclaim that Makandi Bay, Egypt came in second on this list. And nothing else.
If you accidentally type Makadi Bay, however, you'll find Egypt's resort oasis on the shore of the Red Sea, just 35 kilometres south of the tourist city of Hurghada. Here, too, you'll find an area that Thomas Cook Destinations describes as a "small beach resort" where "all the facilities ... are hotel-based." And, indeed, that appears to be true, as reviews of resort hotels in Makadi Bay -- the Grand Makadi Bay Hotel, the Grand Makadi Palace Hotel, the Iberotel Makadi Oasis Hotel, Sol y Mar Makadi Marine Hotel, the Meridien Makadi Bay Hotel, the Makadi Family Star Hotel, the Domina Makadi Bay Hotel & Resort, Al Nabila Grand Makadi Hotel, Jaz Makadi Star Hotel, Sol y Mar Club Makadi Hotel and Sol y Mar Makadi Sun Hotel -- are more plentiful (and, incidentally, positive) than any references to activities available outside the resorts.
1. JERBA, TUNISIA
Another movie location, one that Star Wars fans might remember: In the original 1977 film, the North African island of Jerba (also Djerba, Jarbah and Girba) was used for the exterior scenes of Mos Eisley, the spaceport town on the planet Tatooine, which Obi-Wan Kenobi described as a "wretched hive of scum and villainy." Jerba is also considered by some to be the legendary island of the Lotus-Eaters where, in Homer's epic poem The Odyssey, Odysseus and his crew were stranded on their voyage through the Mediterranean.
Today, according to tunisia.com, Jerba is a "tourist magnet" where the local fishermen cast their nets mostly for octopuses and high-quality sponges, and where swimmers should beware of the many large jellyfish. It does not, the website concedes, offer the greatest food, especially if you plan on eating outside your "tourist complex." "And not even the best place if you plan to stay there," it adds, "many hotel restaurants serve rather uninspiring meals."
Sisitors are apparently drawn by the island's mosques and synagogues, sunsets, sandy beaches and whitewashed houses. According to tripadvisor.com, the five most recommended places to visit in Jerba are: El Ghriba Synagogue, a pilgrimage site where the oldest Jewish community in Tunisia dates back to 586 BC; the Guellala Museum, which offers a large collection of pottery, as well as an observation tower from which travellers can watch the sun set; the Djerba Golf Club, a 27-hole facility designed by British course architect Martin Hawtree; Borj El Kebir, which Trip Advisor none-too-helpfully describes simply as a "historic site," but which further research discovers to be an extremely large fortress dating back to 1595 ("What you see inside may be disappointing," notes lexicorient.com, "being almost completely unadorned and with a simple layout."); and Djerba Explore, a wildlife park that houses both 400 Nile River crocodiles and a museum of Muslim art.

Simpson Told To Dump Wentz?

Ashlee Simpson's manager dad Joe reportedly is secretly urging his pop star daughter to ditch her boyfriend Pete Wentz, so she can be the star of a new reality dating show.
The former minister thinks the program will help promote Simpson's second album, "Bittersweet World," which is due for release in March.
But the singer would need to end her relationship with Fall Out Boy bassist Wentz first, so she can be well and truly single.
A source tells OK! magazine, "He wants Ashlee to break up with Pete."
The insider adds of the proposed show, "It will put 14 guys in a house and they will compete to date Ashlee."

Britney Spears Pregnancy Test Photos Spark Media Frenzy

Just last month, Britney Spears was shooting down rumors she was pregnant by music producer J.R. Rotem. Then it turned out little sister Jamie Lynn Spears was knocked up boyfriend Casey Aldridge. Now Britney is battling pregnancy rumors again after photos showing the star and new boyfriend Adnan Ghalib reportedly shopping for pregnancy tests were splashed across the Net this week.
Spears and Ghalib were spotted earlier this week shopping at a Rite Aid story in Studio City, CA. During their trip to the drug store, a snapshot taken of Spears and Ghalib appears to show the couple crouched down next to a shelf full of pregnancy tests; one of them in hand. Interestingly enough, the photos were supposedly released by photographer Ghalib's own agency, FinalPixx, according to People.com.
According to EGossip.com, a photographer approached Spears and asked her whether she "came up positive on that pregnancy test, or negative?" Spears told the photographer she was not shopping for a pregnancy test for herself, but for a "friend".
Spears and Ghalib, 35, have been dating for less than a month. Ghalib reportedly works for the photo agency Finalpixx, the same agency which sold the photos of the couple shopping in the Rite Aid. This has led to some in the media speculating the entire incident was some kind of bizarre publicity stunt.
Spears pal Sam Lutfi said on Ryan Seacrest's radio talk show that Spears is not pregnant and "everything's fine" with her. Lutfi told Access Hollywood the pregnancy rumors are "all bullshit" and that Spears and Ghalib are "just toying with the paparazzi."
However, an unidentified relative of Spears' ex-husband Kevin Federline told Ok! Magazine Spears wants to get pregnant—to have a replacement for her two sons, Sean Preston and Jayden James, which she lost custody of to Federline.
Meanwhile, Federline apparently doesn't want to totally cut her out of her children's lives. According to Federline's lawyer, Mark Vincent Kaplan, the decision to keep Spears away from her two sons for the time being is "painful, but appropriate."
“Kevin’s not indifferent to how difficult it has to be on their mother (Spears) and on the kids. It’s a sad situation. There’s no victorious feeling,” Kaplan told People.
Spears visitation rights to her two children remain suspended after following a frightening scene at Spears home earlier this month that lead to the singer being put under 'suicide watch' in a local hospital.
A poll conducted by Reuters found 51 percent of those responding feel Spears should be allowed limited visitation rights to her two children, under supervision. Only one percent of those polled, however, felt Spears should be given back full custody of her two young sons.

McConaughey To Be a Dad

Matthew McConaughey is set to become a first-time father after announcing on his Web site that his Brazilian girlfriend, Camilla Alves, is three months pregnant.
The movie hunk, who has previously dated Sandra Bullock and Penelope Cruz, has been dating the model for the past year.
In a post on his Web site, the proud dad-to-be writes, "My girlfriend Camila and I made a baby together. ... It's 3 months growin' in her womb and all looks healthy and lively so far. We are stoked and wowed by this miracle of creation and gift from God ..."
Ironically, in the new issue of Playboy magazine, McConaughey talks about his parenting plans, stating, "I believe I'll have a family. I want children.
"The older I get, the more I look forward to being a dad, having some little McConaughey's running around."
But the happy news doesn't mean the actor will wed his pregnant girlfriend.
He says, "I believe in the institution (of marriage), but I don't feel you have to marry. A kid just needs a mom and a dad."

Pucker Up Turns 200!

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Keira Knightley refuses to wear her boyfriend’s ring

Keira Knightley’s relationship with her boyfriend is reportedly in jeopardy - after she refused to wear an antique ring he bought for her.
The ‘Atonemnet’ star, 22, received the ring from her ‘Pride and Prejudice’ star boyfriend Rupert Friend - who gave the antique white-gold ring to Keira as a “symbol of their love”, and has been left hurt by Keira’s decision to wear expensive Chanel jewelery instead.
A source close to the couple said: “Rupert bought Keira this antique ring at considerable expense and while it’s not an engagement ring, he intended it to symbolize their love for one another.
“But, as the face of Chanel, Keira has obviously been inundated with very expensive jewelery from its fine jewellery collection and has chosen to regularly wear one of its rings instead of the one bought for her by Rupert.
“As a result, the word is that he’s made his feelings made known to Keira.”
Rupert and Keira - who have been dating since December 2005 - are now said to be attempting to get their relationship back on track following the incident.
The source added to Britain’s Daily Express newspaper: “It seems these could be testing times for Keira and Rupert. They are both young actors with their careers still very much ahead of them so relationships are never going to be straightforward.
“Hopefully they will work things out.”

Oil baron Brandon Davis detained at Sydney airport

IT'S a cruel world for the rich and famous sometimes - just ask Brandon Davis, the trust fund kid dating Cronulla model Cheyenne Tozzi. Jetting into Sydney early on Saturday, the grandson of American oil magnate Marvin Davis and former conquest of Paris Hilton is understood to have been unceremoniously detained by Customs officials for having too much money on him. Loaded with US dollars, the 28-year-old was delayed for more than two hours, while his pin-up girlfriend became increasingly agitated while waiting in the arrivals area. "She was pacing around the whole time, with her mobile phone at her ear, trying to look anonymous," a witness told The Daily Telegraph.

"With her sunglasses on inside, everyone was looking at her." A Customs spokesman declined to comment on individual passenger details for privacy reasons yesterday, but said travellers were required to declare if they were carrying more than $10,000 or the equivalent in foreign currency. Davis, who began dating the younger of the two Tozzi sisters last year, was finally allowed through to meet a waiting car and driver about 10.30am, after arriving on an 8am flight from the US. By that time, Tozzi had been collected by friends in another vehicle, leaving her wealthy beau behind. Sources said Davis then drove straight to Kings Cross where it's believed he cleaned out one exchange bureau of Aussie dollars, before moving on to another. The couple were reunited later at his Park Hyatt suite, before joining Cheyenne's sister Tahyna and her boyfriend, Bra Boy Koby Abberton and friends at the Blue Room nightclub at Darlinghurst on Saturday night. Davis and his Shire babe caused a sensation when they began dating, while she was still linked to Australian surf champion, Taj Burrow. The wave rider described seeing photos of the pair cavorting in the waters off Miami beach last July as "the worst moment of my life" and effectively ended his long-term relationship with the Sydney model.

Online Dating

Online romances or relationship dating has been more and more common in recent years. In older days men and women met in clubs, restaurants, bars, at work as well as simply taking a jog or walk. Newspaper and magazine classified ads took over and now the internet has become one of the biggest markets for love and relationships. I don't know how many dating websites there are out there, but if the number exceeds five digits, it doesn't surprise me at all. In todays busy society, online dating is an easy and convenient way to link couples together and even though this may seem like an unromantic way to date, an amazingly large number of dates are done this way and the online dating industry is growing rapidly as well. So there must be something positive about it.
Yes, there are many positive aspects with dating on the internet. Statistics however, tell that many relationships created through the internet are broken. So what should we be aware of in order to utilize this way of romance as well as possible and which mistakes in the online relationship building process should we avoid?
Have you ever chatted with Madonna? Or Britney Spears? Or maybe George Clooney? Are you the most careful and tolerant person on earth; is that the image you try to give of yourself. What if the relationship became serious and you were caught in such a simple lie? My advice is that you should not pretend to be another person than you are but be honest from the very first meeting if your purpose is to build a serious love relationship.
Another mistake many people dating online make is to meet in person too soon. You don't know the person you date online, and you should exchange several emails or chat for an extensive period of time before you even consider meeting. For example this male person can be violent and even abuse you, even though he made the total opposite impression. You should also do some phone calls before you meet. The point, is that you should do all you can to know each other before you meet. This way, the safety issue has been more properly taken care of.
When you meet for the first time, do it in a neutral place, like a restaurant, cafe or other places where people meet. During the first weeks of the relationship, always tell family members or friends when and where you are going to meet the potential partner, whether this is in the partners home or other places. If something should happen, they'll know where you are, and the chances are better for avoiding a tragedy. When your network of friends and family has been introduced to your partner, and you start to feel sure that this is a really promising relationship, then you should go to the next level.
It's all about confidence, so don't jump into it in the beginning, give time for getting to know your potential partner before your engage seriously and the relationship is much more likely to become a real romance and a great and long lasting relationship.

Michelle Rodriguez serves 17 days of 180-day jail term

Michelle Rodriguez has been released from prison after serving just 17 days of her 180-day sentence.The former 'Lost' actress - who received the jail term for violating the terms of her probation after she was found guilty of driving under the influence of alcohol (DUI) - was released from California's Lynwood County Jail at 7.50pm on Wednesday night (09.01.08) due to prison overcrowding.The problem with the excessive number of inmates means it is standard for prisoners to be freed after they have served only 10 per cent of their sentence.Superior Court Judge Daviann L. Mitchell had ruled the 29-year-old actress should not be given early release, but the Los Angeles County Sheriff's Department had no other option but to free her.It is not the first time Michelle has been behind bars.In May 2006, the 29-year-old actress served just four hours and 20 minutes of a two-month sentence at Lynwood for violating probation terms of a DUI arrest in Hawaii dating back to December 2005.Again she was released early due to prison overcrowding, and served just over two days in a Honolulu jail for the same offence.

Britney Spears New Boyfriend Is Mad About Sex

Britney Spears' new paparazzo lover is "mad and sex-mad", according to his ex-girlfriend.

Nichole Grimes "fell-head-over-heels" for Birmingham photographer Adnan Ghalib - who is now dating the 'Gimme More' singer - only to discover he was cheating on her with her best-friend.

Nichole, 35, said: "Britney should watch out - he's wild. To say he was a ladies' man was an understatement. He couldn't get enough. He's mad and sex-mad.

"When we met I thought he was this lovely young Asian boy from a strict family. I was head-over-heels in love. Then I discovered he'd been secretly hitting on my friend behind my back.

"Some people may wonder what this guy from a strict Muslim family is doing with a party animal like Britney. But I reckon he's wilder than her."

Nichole - who met Adnan, 35, when they both attended Birmingham's Sheldon Heath Community School - also believes it has been Adnan's "life-long dream" to date a superstar.

Nichole added to the Daily Star newspaper: "He was a real charmer. He knew what he wanted and he knew how to get it.

"He's such an attention-seeker that to date one of the world's most famous women must have been his life-long dream."Meanwhile, Britney, 26, and Adnan boarded a private jet to New York together yesterday afternoon (09.01.08).

They left Van Nuys Airport at 4pm on a flight bound for New Jersey's Teterboro Airport.

The singer has lost her visitation rights to sons Sean Preston, two, and 15-month-old Jayden James, after she was hospitalised for a psychiatric evaluation last week following a police stand-off at her home.

Dating Expert, Stephany Alexander, Reveals the Top 20 Do’s and Don’ts of Dating Rules

As a dating expert who has given dating advice to tens of thousands of people since early 2000, there are 20 basic Do’s and Don’t Rules in the world of dating to help you increase your chances of succeeding in dating. Dating can be fun and exciting but getting involved with the wrong person can destroy your life. How do you put the odds in your favor when dating? I have broken down the top 20 Rules of Dating to help you find that special person.
TOP 10 DATING DO’S.
1. Do relax and have fun. Dating is supposed to be fun so make it fun. Choose activities that you both love so you can relax, laugh and enjoy. If you think dating is miserable, then don’t do it.
2. Do groom yourself before your date. Make sure you are freshly showered, have fresh breath and have an outfit on that flatters you. Save your crazy or overly sexy outfits for when you get to know the person better.
3. Do Listen. Listening is more important than talking. Ask your date lots of questions and hone in on similar interests. Don’t brag about yourself constantly because that is the ultimate turn-off.
4. Compliment your date. If you think your date looks nice, say so. Don’t focus on your date’s imperfections; focus on their good points. If it looks like your date took time to get ready, compliment them by letting them know.
5. Be positive. Don’t complain on your date. Nobody wants to hear how miserable you are. A poor attitude can destroy a date faster than anything.
6. Be honest and upfront. If the date didn’t click, tell your partner that you will have to think about it and that you will contact them again if you are interested.
7. Be proactive. You need to take the initiative to meet people to date. Practice flirting, smile, be friendly and make eye contact. This will show people you are available and will increase your chances of being asked out.
8. Do date creatively. Don’t go to the movies where you can’t talk or get to know your date better. Go to dinner, bowling and then a movie or go horseback riding, hiking or to an arts or music festival.
9. Do let your friends and family know you are dating. You never know when someone you know may try playing matchmaker for you. It may or may not work out but you should be open to meeting someone new.
10. Do be polite and have manners. Offer to pay for all or half of the date even if you are a woman. Say “please” and “thank you” and be respectful of the other person’s feelings.
10 DATING RULE DON’TS
1. Don’t be late for a date. Make sure you leave early enough to deal with traffic delays or other things that could delay you. Being late shows that you don’t respect the other person’s time and sets the date off on the wrong foot.
2. Don’t chase someone. Don’t phone, text or email them more than once a day unless you are in a conversation with them and they are replying. Being desperate is a huge turn off.
3. Don’t date people who you think will use you. If you have money, don’t tell the other person. If a man comes on too strong for sex early on, shut him down and move on. You want someone who wants you for you, not what you can do for them or give them. Once they get what they want, they’ll move on to their next target.
4. Don’t lie to your date. Don’t over exaggerate your income, education or what you do. These lies will eventually come out and then you will appear as a dishonest loser.
5. Don’t come on too strong. If you are anxious to get married right away, that’s okay. However, constantly talking about serious commitment issues such as marriage and children on a first date can scare your date away.
6. Don’t sit around and wait for his or her call. Stay busy. There is nothing more pathetic than someone who immediately drops their life or routine for someone they just met. Your goal is to have a fulfilled life that another person can add to.
7. Don’t get drunk or use drugs on your date. What kind of an impression are you making if you are incoherent when you first meet? Your date will think you are like that with all people.
8. Don’t flirt with others while on a date. This may seem like common sense but nothing will end your date faster than you hitting on your date’s friend.
9. Don’t have sex with someone until you have dated a while. A while does not mean 1 or 2 dates. If it was meant to be, it will be and part of the fun of dating is the thrill of the chase.
10. Don’t give out too much personal information on a first date. Keep your home address and telephone number confidential until you get to know your date better and make sure you always meet in a public place.

The nice maiden cometh: Holly Willoughby on why making muffins is cool, why she hates ladettes... and how she wants to be a 'young mum'

Holly Willoughby is marshmallow soft, sweet and pink. When she married television executive Dan Baldwin last year, she walked down the aisle to the theme tune from The Slipper And The Rose.
She adores the classic Cinderella musical, starring Richard Chamberlain, and says she could watch it for the rest of her life and not be bored.
She's girlie and romantic; she likes to wrap herself in silk and cashmere, bathe in a bath scented with essential oils. When she was a little girl, she played dressing-up, believed in fairies at the bottom of the garden and wanted to grow up to be a lady, like her mother Lynne.
She fantasised about marrying her Prince Charming, living happily-ever-after, and now she is.
When Holly presents ITV1's phenomenally popular Dancing On Ice with Phillip Schofield - the show which has done even more for Lycra and figure-skating than Strictly Come Dancing has done for Lycra and the Cha Cha Cha - she sometimes pinches herself, not quite believing it's real.
She's an overwhelmingly nice girl, who likes things to be nice. The sheer number of people who tune in to watch DOI - an average ten million are expected to watch every Sunday when the new series starts on January 13 - suggests that's what we want, too: niceness, romance, a return to the sort of family television that saw Bruce Forsyth urge the glamorous Anthea Redfern to "give us a twirl"; a place where men were gentlemen and ladies were ladies.
And it's not just the nice, sweet Holly. There's also nice, sweet Myleene Klass, and Tess Daly, too, who has a very similar role to Holly presenting Strictly Come Dancing; feminine young ladies who would no more fall down drunk or bed a footballer than forget to floss.
The ladette, it seems, is gone, left to raise her four children by four different fathers alone. Nice is television's new cool. "It's that word nice," says Holly, blushing prettily.
"You always feel guilty saying nice because nice is linked very closely to boring. But I think there is a natural backlash to the ladette, Big Brother culture - people being famous for who they slept with or having the biggest breasts they could possibly have.
"When I sit down with my children, or grandchildren, and get out the big box of my life, I can show them really lovely things and be really proud they're going to watch Dancing On Ice.
"Some of these other girls are going to go: 'Oh, here's my expose of me sleeping with this footballer." Or: "Here's a picture of me getting out of a car with no knickers on or getting wrecked.' It's not a nice thing, is it?"
I wonder how Fearne Cotton fits into Holly's squishy marshmallow land. Fearne, who presented The X Factor's behind-the-scenes show Xtra Factor on ITV2, has been Holly's best friend since they worked together on the children's channel CBBC. But Fearne is known for her fondness for tattoos.
"Nooo," Holly, 26, squeals. "She's so not ladette. That's something that's been created because she likes going to see live music. I think people like to label you and put you into little boxes.
"Because Fearne likes going to gigs and wears trendy clothes, that must mean she likes rock 'n' roll people, which means she has to be drinking all night.
"In truth, I rarely see her without a muffin tin in her hand, baking cakes. That's what she likes to do. Every time she comes round to my house she has always got a new box of biscuits she's made. But I suppose that doesn't quite fit into the ladette culture she's supposed to be in.
"Because I'm married and like being at home, I'm labelled as a Stepford wife. I like going to gigs with Fearne, too. We're both just always there for each other." Holly is snuggled in pink cashmere and woolly tights when we meet. She's elegant and groomed, with an English rose complexion kept clear on early nights and healthy living.
She's here to promote her work with the Style Council, advising on a new, nice chic that isn't Kate Moss, rock chick cool. Holly doesn't tolerate drugs ('It's not a world I choose to enter,' she says). She doesn't go much on following trends either.
"Everyone should dress to their body shape," she says. "I can only take little hints of what's trendy at the moment. Skinny jeans don't work on someone, like me, who's a size 12 and has got child-bearing hips. It would be pointless to take something off the mannequin in the shop window - or Kate Moss - and put it on me."
The younger of two daughters, born to decent, hard-working parents who lived near Brighton, East Sussex, Holly worked in children's television for both the BBC and ITV before being offered Dancing On Ice, the highest-rated entertainment show on ITV which consistently gets 43 per cent of the TV audience share.
She has never really been attracted to the crude or the racy. She says her role models in life have been her parents. Her father, Terry, a salesman, worked hard to put both his daughters through private school, while her mother, Lynne, was a stay-at-home mum.
"Without sounding like a right idiot, my mum and my dad are my role models. They devoted everything to my sister and me - and stayed together through everything. It wasn't because they never argued - of course they did - but they worked through it and made their marriage work.
"I remember when I started school there were only one or two friends whose parents were divorced. But by the time I left school, the majority of my friends' parents weren't together. I think my age group is of that generation that experienced the horribleness of divorce, so we're becoming homemakers and saying: 'I really don't want that. I want my marriage to work.'
"Dan would say the same thing. No matter what happens to us now, I would say absolutely that we'll stay together."
She pauses for a moment. "The only thing you can't stay together after is infidelity - if one of you breaks that trust. I don't think I'd ever forgive him for that.
"I could probably forgive the act, but then I'd become this person who would be so worried about what he was doing and where he was going that it would eat me up inside and change me into a horrible person."
She blushes again. She confesses that she's had three long-term relationships in her life before meeting her husband, believing that each of them was the one and that the romance would end in happy-ever-after.
"They were lovely boys. I've never been out with a horrible boy," she says. "I don't look back and think 'Oh God, I was a horrible little tramp when I was younger', because I wasn't."
Indeed, when she met her future husband, whom she began dating when they worked together on ITV's children's Saturday Showdown, he was drunk. She says she'd have run a mile if someone had said: "That's your future husband.
"I was introduced to him after a gig," she says. "He'd been drinking all evening and was really drunk. I remember leaving there and thinking: 'Oh my God, who the hell was that?' Then he came to work on the show. I remember when they said Dan Baldwin I thought: 'Who's that? Oh yeah, he was that really drunk guy about two years ago.'
"Then, when he turned up, we had six months of having such a laugh. We had this real friendship. There was this day - everyone was in the bar having a drink after the show and saying 'cheers' to each other.
"I looked at Dan, said: 'Cheers' and, you know when you hold that eye contact a little bit too long? I got really embarrassed. I thought: 'That's weird. I feel embarrassed over Dan.' That was it. The floodgates opened and I was totally in crush, totally fancied him."
They dated for 18 months before moving in together. Dan proposed in the bath during their first night in their new home. They married in Sussex last August in front of 150 guests, and held their reception at Amberley Castle.
"We used to go there for Mother's Day and special days when we were kids," she says. "From a child, I knew that's where I'd get married.
"The day was amazing. When the vicar said: 'You are now husband and wife, you may kiss the bride,' you say: 'Oh my God, we're married!' I'd fantasised about being married since I was a little girl and dressed up in my mum's wedding dress."
Holly says she was an 'airy-fairy performer type' as a child. "I was always up in my room getting in the fancy dress box, putting something on and doing a play.
"My sister, Kelly, was really bright and academic. She was head girl of the school and at the top of her year. Because we were so different, we were never in competition. You can't be when you're almost running two different races.
"I really didn't know what I wanted to do. I was a daydreamer. All I did was make up a fantasy world I saw in my head. It was real girl's stuff.
"I'd pretend I was running a magazine called Look In and used to write articles for hours about people. It was happy-ever-after stuff. I like happy-ever-after. Even now if I'm watching a film I'll turn it off towards the end if I know it's going to end sadly.
"You know when you're watching a film and people die? I live in this thing where I stop it at a happy bit and think: 'It's fine, it didn't happen. The Titanic didn't sink.'"
Intriguingly, though, in Hollyland dreams do seem to come true. At 14, she was on a school trip to the Clothes Show Live and was spotted by Storm modelling agency. A career as a teen magazine model followed.
"It was so exciting," she says, maintaining she was completely unfazed by seeing her face on the cover of dozens of glossy magazines. I can't help but believe her. For this is one of the things about Holly, she seems completely unaware of quite how attractive she is.
"All I ever wanted to do was dress up and be a lady like my mum," she says. "Through school, I had braces the entire time. I even had a head brace and was very self- conscious about it. I didn't feel pretty then." And now? She flushes.
After a spell on S Club TV, Holly slogged for two years in a succession of menial jobs, including bar work and cleaning, before landing a job with CBBC.
CITV followed, and then the happy- ever-after offer to present Dancing On Ice.
"I was at The X Factor when Nigel Pickard (ITV's Director of Programmes) came up to me in the break and said: ' Congratulations.' I said: 'Thank you.'
"I didn't know what he was talking about, but thought: 'You're the big boss. I'm just going to say thank you.' (As nice girls do.)
"He then said: 'Yeah. It's very exciting. I think it's going to be a big year for you next year.' I thought: 'I've got to ask him because I don't know what he's talking about.'
"He said he'd just signed off for me to present Dancing On Ice. Dan was with me and said: 'Don't get excited. He might have got it wrong.' I was buzzing inside because it was massive news. Why would you unleash someone who's only done kids' TV on a primetime show?
"Phillip Schofield - who's really supportive - must have thought: 'I'm going to have to carry her.'"
Of course, he hasn't. Holly, with her infectious brand of niceness, has bubbled her way into the viewing public's heart. After spending more than an hour with her, it's easy to see why. I wonder about the future, but sort of guess the answer.
"I can't wait to have children," she says. "I want to be a young mum. When it will happen, I'm not sure, but we look forward to it more than anything else. But I think it's good to enjoy being married for a bit first - unless it's a happy accident.
"People like Myleene Klass have proved that it's possible to have both - telly and kids. I'd also love to move out to the country, and we probably will when we have kids."
And she's off again, weaving her happy-ever-after . . .
"I'm sure I will be so boring in about ten years and ladettes will be ruling the roost once again," she says.
I tell her I hope not. And I do. I've rather enjoyed Holly's marshmallow land where dreams come true. It certainly beats vomit on the pavement.

Perfect Relationship Somehow Fails

Anyway, whatevs, lots of people have tattoos, sometimes they end up hating them, etc., etc. Writer Wendy Ruderman finds the best story ever:
Donna Maleczkowicz's boyfriend convinced her to get his initials - "CS" - inked on her bikini line during a drunken escapade. At the time, she had been dating him for just a month. They met at Delilah's, the Center City gentlemen's club, where she still works as a hostess.
"I really, really thought that he was the one," she said last week.
Oh, yes, I can't believe it didn't work out.
Holy shit, this is awesome too.
A decade ago, Dave Donch got a cover album of his favorite band, "Sublime," tattooed on his leg from knee to ankle. The 1992 album included song titles like "Date Rape" and "We're Only Gonna Die for Our Own Arrogance."
Now he doesn't want to be a walking Sublime album cover. Shocker!